


Options

by lodessa



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-05-09
Updated: 2007-05-09
Packaged: 2017-11-07 14:07:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/431999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lodessa/pseuds/lodessa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The hospital had become a replacement lover after Ellis, something to pour his sweat and blood and tears into.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Options

They are all brilliant. It is somewhat of a miracle that Richard suddenly had 4 surgeons at the top of their fields eager to replace him. Until a year ago there had only been one, Preston Burke was brilliant and effective, level headed, and could certainly be trusted to get things done. If Richard is honest with himself, it was a lot easier back then. Now he has Derek, charming and talented, Addison who is far more insightful than the men, and the ridiculously good at his profession, although a mess elsewhere, Mark Sloan. To make matters worse, Preston seems less and less like the reliable safe bet that he used to. So there’s no really obvious answer to the question of who will follow him, and that’s not even taking into account the interpersonal problems that shouldn’t be, but are, always a necessary consideration.

It really shouldn’t be so difficult; any of them would make a fine choice. Besides, should there be a problem there would still be plenty of options left for replacement. He’d leaving and it really shouldn’t matter to him, but they still feel like his responsibility. He knows it is time, time to let go to the hospital because he has an unhealthy attachment to it. His therapist insisted that he needs to let go in order to move on in his life. Move on, it seems too late honestly. Ellis Grey is dead and the past with her. Adele will have nothing to do with him. Life has moved on without him and a part of Richard wants nothing more than to cling fast to the one sense of normalcy he has left: the hospital.

There are too many options and yet not enough. It was easy to just keep walking along the same path that he’s been on for all this time, but deciding to make changes, that makes him think about everything and how it was and how it can and cannot not be. He has lots of options, that is not the problem, but they only serve to remind him of the doors that are permanently closed. He knows that loss is part of growth, but it feels unfair, losing all the people and things he most loved: Ellis, and Adele, and the hospital. The hospital had become a replacement lover after Ellis, something to pour his sweat and blood and tears into. Ellis he could not have saved himself the loss of, Adele he didn’t even realize he was losing, but the hospital is different… the hospital he is intentionally taking steps to separate himself from… like he’d tried to do with Ellis. It hurts just as much too.

Sometimes he still feels like it should have been her. She should have been chief and he is certain everyone must have known it. But she’d taken off and he was left, the only option when he should have been second best. It was his fault she’d left, and he's always wondered if when she found out she’d thought he did it all to beat her. So perhaps it is fitting that he has 4 overqualified surgeons waiting for him, since he was the only option left, after the good one was gone. It doesn’t make it easier to decide though, and secretly he hopes that the board ignores him, picks someone entirely different and he has no responsibility, no guilt.


End file.
